Four Things All Parents Need To Know About Rewards

Parents love seeing their child do well. Whether they’ve done their homework, read a new book, or were simply on their best behavior, it is a joy. And sometimes a relief!

It’s normal to want to reward them for their effort. But many parents aren’t sure how. And no wonder! Even teachers and psychologists haven’t figured out rewards yet.  Some research shows that they help. Kids work harder when they have something to look forward to. Other research shows that rewards are bad. They decrease a child’s natural interest in something.

Today’s post discusses the four things you need to know today about rewarding your child. You might be surprised at what you learn.

1. Rewards increase EXTRINSIC motivation…

Photo Credit: Stuart Miles

We all want our children to love learning for the sake of learning. To many parents, rewards feel like bribes. But research shows that rewards can increase your child’s interest in an activity over time.

Specifically, rewards are great for things that are only fun when you reach a certain skill level. It takes weeks of boring exercises to learn a new instrument. Playing scales over and over is probably not what your child wants to be doing.

But if they hang in there long enough, they will be able to play songs they enjoy, or even write their own songs. Rewards may be just what they need to keep them going until music becomes fun for them.

2. … But rewards can decrease INTRINSIC motivation.

Photo Credit: Stuart Miles

 If your child already loves something, think carefully before you reward them for it. In a famous study, psychologist Mark Lepper rewarded preschoolers who liked drawing… for drawing. After that, the kids showed less interest in drawing and spent less time doing it.

Indeed, the reward confused them. They thought they were drawing because they liked it… but now they think they did it to get a reward. They thought the joy they felt was from drawing… but now they think it’s from their prize.

The exception to this rule is when the reward is directly related to an activity. If your child loves reading, it makes sense to surprise them with new books or trips to the library. If they study hard for their biology test, it makes sense to go to the zoo or buy them some plant bulbs.

These rewards don’t hurt intrinsic motivation. They allow your child to continue growing. They send the message that you notice, and you care. NOT that they deserve a reward for doing something unpleasant.

3. Often, the best reward is recognition.

Years of research show that material rewards don’t always motivate people. Whether you’re an adult or a child, a sense of recognition and success makes tasks feel meaningful – in a way that money can’t.

So when you see your child doing something good, SAY SO.  Try phrases like, “I notice you are working very hard at spelling,” or, “I am proud of how much you’re improving.” (Click here for a complete guide to praising your child.)

But don’t just say it – show it! If they do well on a test, hang it on the fridge. If they make a cool art project, show your friends. If they put away all their toys without being asked, tell your spouse when they get home.

When your child feels appreciated, they will enjoy the task more.  And your attention shows them how important their work is to you.

4. Sometimes motivation isn’t the problem – so rewards aren’t the answer.

Many schools have tried offering students prizes – including cash and cars – for good grades. The assumption is that students don’t work hard enough, and a reward could motivate them.

If your child is struggling,
rewards can be demoralizing.
Photo credit:David Castillo Dominici.

In several schools, the rewards did lead the kids to study harder… but their grades did not improve. The problem wasn’t that they weren’t trying hard enough – it was that they didn’t know how to study.

So rewards aren’t always the answer. Especially for students who are struggling. Just working harder might not be enough to get your child back on track. If they have problems in school, talk to their teacher right away.

Talk to your child, too. Say they are struggling in math. Ask them why. What about math is hard? Maybe they say that math is boring. What about it is boring? Is it because they are completely lost? Is there a bully in their math class? Or do they just not see how they can use math in the real world?

Work with your child to help them get to the root of the problem. Offering a reward, seeing them fail, and then saying, “Oh, sorry. No reward for you!” is only going to discourage them more.

In short, there are lots of great ways to use rewards. And there are lots of ways to misuse them. The advice in this article will help you know when a reward will help your child… and when you might want to hold off.

Parents: What kinds of rewards do you give your child? Or do you try not to reward them?