How Praise Can Hurt: A guide to providing the right kind of feedback for your child.

Celebrate a job well done -- your child deserves it.

Praise is a key part of learning. It tells students what they are doing well. It builds confidence and self-esteem. But did you know there are two kinds of positive feedback?
The first is effort praise. It points out the child’s progress and hard work. The second type is ability praise. It focuses on talent.

The difference seems subtle. But studies show that kids respond very differently to the two types of praise. Effort praise teaches them that hard work gets results. Ability praise implies that talent is fixed, so trying hard doesn’t matter.

Here’s why:

Imagine your child comes home with an A on their math test. You say, “Great job! You’re so good at math.” What they hear is that they did well because of their natural ability. If they don’t do well next time, they will think, “I guess I’m not good at math, after all.”

But… if you say, “Great job! You must have worked really hard on that,” they hear that effort leads to results. If the next test goes badly, they think, “I should study more next time,” or, “Next time, I will try a new strategy.”

In other words, kids who get ability praise start to believe that intelligence is “fixed” -- that they were born with a certain amount of it, and they can’t change it by practicing or trying again.

 

Meanwhile, effort praise builds a “growth” mindset in children. It makes them think that intelligence is like a muscle – the more you use it, the more it grows. If at first they don’t succeed, they will try, try again.

So go ahead! Praise your child. Tell them how great they are! Just be sure to put some effort into what you say.

Here are some suggestions to help get you started.

Instead of	Try
You are so good at painting!	This painting is so beautiful! I can see you put in a lot of effort.
You are so smart!	You are learning so many new things every day!
Good job!	Great effort!
Good job!	You are always working and improving!
You did so well!	I could tell that you were very focused today!
You are so fast!	Look at you go! I can tell how hard you’ve been working at practice!
Good job!	You used to need help, but now you can do it all by yourself!
You are such a good writer!	I like all the details you put into your writing! It takes extra effort, and it really makes your stories come to life!
You got such good grades!	I can tell that you worked very hard this term!
You got an A! You’re so smart!	It looks like your hard work paid off!
You're great at reading!	I am impressed by how focused you are when you read.
You are so good at spelling!	It’s hard work learning so many spelling words – but you nailed it!

For more information on this topic, check out Dr. Carol Dweck’s Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. In addition to learning some new parenting skills, you might learn something that will help you at work!

Parents: What tips do you have for providing positive feedback to your child?

How to Help Your Child Love Reading

“The greatest gift is a passion for reading.” – Elizabeth Hardwick, American literary critic and novelist

Good news for parents of young readers! Until recently, people thought that genius was innate – a trait that certain, special people were born with. Today, we know that “genius” is actually the result of practice.  10,000 hours of it, to be precise.

In other words, any child can become an expert reader with the right amount of motivation and effort.  Here are three proven ways for parents to keep their children motivated and interested in reading.

1.    Model your interest in reading.

Just like the things you say and do, your child’s attitudes about school and learning come directly from you. This called social modeling, and it has long-term effects on children’s values. So show your children that you love reading. This is probably the most powerful way to motivate your child.

-       Create a family reading time each day. Use this time to read to your child, listen while your child reads to you, or sit together and read quietly to yourselves. This shows your child that reading is an important family value.

-       Make reading an important part of your life. Visit the library or buy a book or magazine for yourself to enjoy – and tell your child about it! Of course, not all things you read are appropriate to discuss with children, but there are still many ways to show your enthusiasm. For example:

o   “Today, instead of watching TV, I read two chapters of my book. It was fun to do, and I learned something new.”

o   “Look! I only have twenty pages left of my book! I can’t wait to see what happens in the end!”

o    “I read a very interesting article about dog shows today. Would you like me to tell you about it?”

-       Show interest in what your child is reading. Some children love to talk about what they’re reading. Others – especially younger readers – need a little more guidance. Here are some questions that will help spark an engaging conversation with your child:

o   “What is happening in your story?”

o   “What do you think will happen next?”

o   “Were there any problems in your book? What happened because of the problems? How did they get solved?”

o   “What would you do if you were the main character?”

o   “Why do you think the author picked this as the title of the story? If you had to pick a different one, what would it be?”

2.    Pick the right type of books for your child.

Many parents ask teachers what books their child should be reading. The best answer is that whatever the child wants to read is what the child “should” be reading. Reading requires your child to sit still, pay attention and follow a narrative. It’s hard to do! If you want your children to love reading, they need to love what they’re reading. Here are some ways to find great books for your child:

-       Give your child choices! Go to the library and let your child explore on their own. Let them pick anything they want in their section and  show interest in the  choices they make.

o   “This one looks very interesting! What made you pick it?”

o   “Do you think this will be like any other books you’ve read? Which ones?”

o   “What do you think will happen in this book?”

o   “What do you already know about the topic of this book?”

Some children may feel lost or overwhelmed with choices. If yours have trouble finding books they are excited about, guide them. Talk with them about their hobbies and interests. Show them where the library keeps their books or magazines on those topics. Teachers and librarians are also great resources for finding literature that will be meaningful to your child.

-       Consider graphic novels. Graphic novels are full-length books that are written like comics. Teachers have had amazing success motivating reluctant and struggling readers – especially boys – with graphic novels. Illustrations help early readers follow complex narratives and dialogues. They keep the plots engaging and help children develop comprehension skills. Here are some great examples that are popular now:

• 4th Grade and up: The Invention of Hugo Cabret, Dork Diaries: Tales From a Not-So-Popular Party Girl
• 3^rd Grade: Owly Volume 1: The Way Home and the Bittersweet Summer, Mouse Guard: Fall 1152, The Adventures of Tintin
• 2^nd Grade: Lunch Lady and the League of Librarians, The Boxcar Children: A Graphic Novel
• 1^st Grade: Benjamin Bear in Fuzzy Thinking, Patrick in A Teddy Bear’s Picnic and Other Stories, Nina in That Makes Me Mad!
• Kindergarten: Shark in the Library! (My First Graphic Novel), The Lost Lunch (My First Graphic Novel), Silly Lilly in What Will I Be Today?
• Preschool: Substitute Creature, Owly and Wormy, Friends  All Aflutter!

3.     Connect reading to everyday life.

Many children think reading is only useful in school. Show your child how reading can help you complete everyday activities. Demonstrate how reading can even help them have fun – whether they’re helping you with a recipe or learning how to play a new game. You might try:

-       Baking together. Pick a recipe and have your child read the instructions and measure out the ingredients with you.

-       Assembling a toy. Read over the instructions with your child. Refer to diagrams, and ask questions like:

- “How many corners does this picture have? Can you find me a piece with three corners?”

- “What does it look like this piece is for? Can you tell by looking at the box where it might go?”

-       Going shopping. Work with your child to write out a shopping list. Let your child hold the list and read off items to you when you get to the store.

-       Navigating. When driving to a fun activity, ask your child to help you look for traffic signs. If your child is a very young reader, you might turn this into a game – for example, “Let’s see how many S’s we can see.”

-    Playing a game. When playing a new game, read over the instructions with your child. Refer back to the instructions throughout the game.

-       Ordering food. Next time you go to a restaurant, read the kids’ menu together. Your child will see that, yet again, reading helps them get what they want.

New research shows that anyone can become an expert at something with 10,000 hours of practice. Practicing reading is hard, but these techniques will teach your child that it is also meaningful, useful and fun. More importantly, they will help you connect with your child as they embark of the journey of a lifetime.

StudyDog Parents: What tips/tricks do you use to keep your child motivated?